My first ever newsletter came out yesterday.  Because I feel the main article contains an important message, I am including it here on the blog.  But don’t miss out on the next newsletter - subscribe today!

How will you Live for Today, Plan for Tomorrow?

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” - Mahatma Gandhi

 

In today’s fast-paced society we spend so much time running to and from work, school, soccer practice, music lessons, etc.  We never take a break to catch our breath.  We beat ourselves up over all those things we ‘need’ to do - clean the house, mow the yard, get the groceries… and we yearn for those things we ‘hope’ to do - read a book, take a vacation, start a new hobby…  We rarely find the time for those ‘hope to-do’s;’ we constantly put them off, telling ourselves “I’ll do that when the work is done and the time is right.”

 

And then something happens to make us realize how fragile life is; how unhappy we are running like mad, working non-stop, and never getting to those things we hope to do.  All too often it takes a tragedy, or near-tragedy for this realization to come.For me, this realization came when my grandfather got sick the end of May.  For months I had been telling myself that I would visit my grandparents someday when life calmed down, work was slow, and the money was there.  And then I realized that I ran the risk of someday becoming never, and I knew that I would never forgive myself for that.  So I bought the plane ticket, put the vacation on my calendar, and went to visit my grandparents.  My ‘need’ to-do list could wait, but I was not going to miss this opportunity.

And on my trip I (once again) vowed I would learn to live for today.  I would learn to prioritize, I would take the time to enjoy my life - appreciate the sunshine, spend time with my family, take my dogs for a walk.

Don’t wait for something drastic to change your life.  I want you to Live for Today.  Take a deep breath, smell those roses.  Stop beating yourself up over all those lingering ‘need to-do’s.’  The world won’t end if the housework goes another day (or more), and even if the world does end, would you even care?  Make time for those things that really matter to you - catch up with a friend over a cup of coffee, plan a family picnic, go visit a loved one.  Start getting around to some of those ‘hope to-do’s.’

But while I think it is important to Live for Today, I need to stress just how important it is to Plan for Tomorrow.  We all know that the two inevitable things in life are death and taxes.  There’s no avoiding them.  As difficult as it may be to think about, talk about, and plan for your own death (or the death of a loved one) - it really is necessary.

If you take the time now to plan, your family will know your wishes when the time comes.  Your wishes will be followed.  You will be able to name a guardian for your children, establish a trust and determine who will control the money and when your children will have access to the money.  You will be able to select the person responsible for handling your affairs.  Your estate can save time and money in the probate process.

If you fail to plan, your family will be left to pick up the mess.  Your wishes may not be followed.  Your family could engage in an emotional battle trying to figure out what you may have wanted.  The courts will be involved, making decisions for you.  You will have no say in a potential guardian for your children, how your assets are distributed, who will handle your affairs.  Your estate may end up in a long and expensive supervised probate process.

Plan now, save money later, and provide your family with reassurance and certainty.  Fail to plan now, spend more money later, and leave your family feeling overwhelmed and facing uncertainty.  Ultimately, it is your choice.  But to me the choice is simple.

How to Plan for Tomorrow

• Talk to your family and friends.  Discussing wishes now may prevent disputes in the future.
• Think about your wishes in regards to medical care and get a Health Care Directive.
• Consider purchasing life insurance to provide for your family if you are no longer able to.
• Review the beneficiary designations on bank accounts, investment accounts, and retirement accounts.
• If you have a will, review it and consider updating it.  If you don’t have a will - now is the time!

Because the following could be considered advertising, and I don’t want to mess with the lawyer’s board, please accept the following disclaimer:  *Advertising Material*        

A ‘Live for Today, Plan for Tomorrow’ Special Offer
Because I want EVERYONE to Live for Today, Plan for Tomorrow, I have decided to offer a special discount on my Basic Estate Plan package.  My Basic Estate Plan package includes a will, health care directive, and power of attorney, as well as a copy of my very own Put Your Estate Plan Into Action: An Estate Organizer - everything you need to make things easier on your loved ones when the time comes.  This package is specifically designed for those with simple assets and distributions (i.e. no expected contests, no estate tax liability, no out of state property).  The Basic Estate Plan package normally costs $575 for a married couple with children, $525 for a married couple without children, $375 for a single person with children, and $325 for a single person without children.

The Live for Today, Plan for Tomorrow Special:
The longer you wait, the less you save…

Save $100 on a Basic Estate Plan in the month of July
($475 for a married couple with children, $425 for a married couple without children, $275 for a singe person with children, $225 for a single person without children).

Save $60 on a Basic Estate Plan in the month of August
($515 for a married couple with children, $465 for a married couple without children, $315 for a singe person with children, $265 for a single person without children).

Save $25 on a Basic Estate Plan in the month of September.
($550 for a married couple with children, $500 for a married couple without children, $350 for a singe person with children, $300 for a single person without children).

These special prices will be available to anyone who mentions the Live for Today, Plan for Tomorrow special offer when calling or e-mailing to request information - so spread the news!

These prices will also be used for any Will Parties scheduled for July, August, or September.  Can you think of a better way to spend an evening with friends, save some money, AND get your estate planning taken care of?  Availability for Will Parties will be limited - so schedule yours today!

I am busy preparing the first of what I hope to be a quarterly(ish) newsletter.  I will provide news and information on family law, estate planning, and other Minnesota legal issues, as well as information (and special offers) on my services.

I would hate to spam anyone, so if you are interested in checking out the newsletter, please subscribe (you can unsubscribe at any time, my feelings won’t be hurt).  You won’t want to miss the very first newsletter.

Please click here to subscribe to the Jennifer R. Lewis Kannegieter, Attorney at Law Newsletter

In the divorce world, we get so focused on the children under the age of 18.  Children between the ages of 18 and 21 may get a moment’s notice, but children over the age of 21 are routinely ignored.  Unfortunately, children are always affected by their parents’ divorce: if they are 5, 25, or 55.  Here are a couple tips for adults whose parents are divorcing, and for divorcing parents with adult children:

If You Have Adult Children:

• Let Them Know What Is Going On:  Your children are adults, and as such they are used to dealing with adult topics.  Let your children know what is going on - preferably both parents should break the news, and do it early on.  (There’s an episode of How I Met Your Mother where Ted finds out his parents are divorced (and Mom is in a new relationship), and have been for several months, even though he recently spent the holidays with them - not the way to find out).  Ask your children if they have questions about the divorce, if they want to express their feelings, or if they need support.  Reassure them that your divorce has nothing to do with them, and that each parent will continue to be their for them.

• Keep Them Out Of It:  Even though your children are now adults (see above), and even though you may otherwise consider them friends, your children DO NOT want to be in the middle of your divorce.  Keep all of the details and mudslinging to yourself.  If you need someone to vent to, find a friend or pay a therapist, do not use your children.

• Be An Adult About It: One of the biggest complaints adults have about their divorced/divorcing parents has to do with the immature behavior that often comes out around life’s important milestones (graduations, weddings, birth’s, holidays, etc.).  Yes, there may be tension between you and the ex.  You may not want to see him/her.  There may be a new significant other you do not approve of.  But none of that has to do with your children and grandchildren.  To your children, you and your ex are “Mom” and “Dad.”  To your grandchildren, you and your ex are “Grandma” and “Grandpa.”  It is important to your children and grandchildren to have “Mom,” “Dad,” “Grandma,” and “Grandpa” at that important family event.  Put aside your differences, put a smile on your face, and support your children and grandchildren at those events.  You don’t have to be best friends with your ex, but you also don’t need to be bitter enemies.  If you really can’t stand the thought of facing your ex, then make plans to celebrate with your family at another time and accept the fact your family will celebrate the event with your ex.  But DO NOT start the “You can’t invite HIM!” or “I’m not going if she’s going to be there!” tug of war, your children do not want to be a part of that, nor do they want your grandchildren used as pawns.

If Your Parents Are Divorcing:

• Do Not Feel Guilty - it is a natural inclination to feel like the divorce is your fault.  It is not.

• Communicate - Communication is important.  Do not be afraid to share your feelings with your parents.  Communicate to them when they are overstepping boundaries by dragging you into the middle of it, or when they are acting childish.

• Set Boundaries - Dynamics change and people can go crazy in a divorce. Set boundaries for yourself and your family.  Let Mom and Dad know that you do not want to be involved in their divorce.  Discuss expectations for holidays and other events.  Don’t let them guilt you into traveling and celebrating each holiday with both of them - with spouse’s, children, in-laws, etc. celebrating separately with everyone just may not be possible.  Do not let your parents use you (or your children) as a pawn.  Do not feel bad about your wedding, graduation, baby’s first birthday, etc.  Expect your parents to be adults about the situation.

• Be Accommodating  - While it is important to set boundaries, sometimes it is necessary to be accommodating.  Things will change with the divorce, and there may be an adjustment period.  Just know the difference between accommodating and doormat.

• Seek Support - You are no longer a child, you may even have children of your own, but going through your parents’ divorce can be difficult.  Do not be afraid to seek support if you need it.

In case you haven’t heard, the court system (like everything else) is broke.   Starting July 1, 2009, Minnesota court filing fees will be increases.  The new family court filing fees for most of the state (Hennepin County tends to run higher by $2) will be:

• $400 Divorce Filing Fee (previously $330) - In most cases each party will pay the filing fee (This can be avoided IF the parties have reached a complete agreement prior to entering the court system.  But be prepared to pay if you are fighting).  The good news is, once you have paid the case filing fee, you won’t have to pay it again.

•  $100 Filing Fee for all Motions and Responses (previously $55) - If you need to ask the court for temporary relief during a divorce proceeding, or wish to bring a motion post-divorce to enforce provisions, modify child support, etc, you will be paying a $100 to the Court.  If the other side brings a motion you disagree with, you will be paying $100 to contest it.  And, if you did not pay an initial case filing fee before, be prepared to pay it now.

So, if you have been thinking of modifying child support or filing for divorce, act now and save a few dollars.  Every little bit helps.

One of the most important things in preparing your estate plan is naming the appropriate person to act as your Personal Representative (or Executor).  Some people feel there is a “right” person to name, by virtue of relationship, birth order, or proximity - these reasons can lead to disastrous results if the wrong person is selected.

A complete estate plan can require several different appointments - personal representative (executor), attorney-in-fact, trustee, health care agent.  These positions are very important and can be complex.  A Personal Representative (or Executor) is appointed in a will to handle the closing the estate.  Tasks include collecting and inventorying property of the estate, maintaining an estate checkbook to pay final bills, filing probate forms and handling the probate process, preparing final tax returns, and distributing the property in accordance to the will.  An attorney-in-fact is an agent named in a Power of Attorney (POA), this person can act on your behalf as provided in the POA, handling financial or other matters while you are still alive.  A trustee is the person in charge of handling the financial matters of a trust - paying valid bills, making distributions, investing where appropriate, completing required forms.  A health care agent is the person named in a Health Care Directive (also known as a medical power of attorney or living will).  The health care agent has the power to make all medical decisions for you should you not be able to speak for yourself.  These positions are more than honorary titles, they require hard-work and the ability to handle the tasks involved.

For your estate plan to work smoothly, you must appoint people who are right for the job.  Look for someone with the following characteristics:

• Willing to accept the position -do not surprise someone with the appointment, he/she does not have to accept the job, so your estate will run smoother if you select a person willing to take on the task.
• Responsible & Trustworthy - the person you name should be someone you would trust your life and your money to (because that’s what you are doing).  To prevent family harmony, and avoid future disputes, this person should also be trusted by other family members.
• Organized - A Personal Representative or Trustee is in charge of a lot of paperwork and financial tracking.  The job will be much easier if he/she is a naturally organized person who keeps meticulous records for his/her own finances.
• Focused - some of these positions could last for years.  Some tasks will require hardwork and a lot of follow up.  Make sure you name someone who will remain focused and get the job done.
• Capable of handling the task - Some people just would not be up for the job, sometimes the emotions of the situation may prevent a person from getting the job done.  If your daughter is an emotional person anyways, she just may not feel up to the task of handling her parents’ estate.
• Able to make a decision  - To some people, making a decision is difficult, if not impossible.  These people may be paralyzed by the burden of making certain decisions.  Do not name your son as your Health Care Agent if he will be unable to make the decisions you would want (such as when to remove life support) when that time comes.
• Willing to seek and accept help - sometimes the position of Personal Representative or Trustee can be overwhelming.  You do not want to burden your loved ones.  Your nominated person should be willing to seek professional help from a lawyer or financial adviser, or accept offers of help from family, should the task get complicated.

While your divorce is pending, it may be important to consider the impact your divorce may have on your estate planning documents.  If you wouldn’t want your soon-to-be-ex making medical decisions for you, now is the time to update your Health Care Directive.  When the divorce is commenced, the restraining provisions in the Summons prevent parties from changing insurance beneficiaries - now is not the time to be changing life insurance, medical insurance, or car insurance.  But all of this stuff will need to be taken care of once the divorce is finalized.  When the divorce is final, it is time to update your will and review your beneficiary designations.  Be sure to talk to your attorney about your estate planning needs.

Stories on joint physical custody arrangements seem to be everywhere lately.  Many states and countries are moving towards some sort of presumption towards joint physical custody.  Joint schedules can work great for parents dedicated to working together for their children.  But in families where the parents are working against each other instead of with each other, joint custody may do more harm than good.  Here are just a few quotes from a couple recent articles.

From the Newsweek article Not Your Dad’s Divorce:

“To make it work, we’d have to live near each other for the next 13 years, until the youngest girl was off to college. It was a commitment not unlike marriage, and, given that feelings were still raw post-divorce, neither of us thought it would be easy.”

“Forcing uncooperative couples into a joint arrangement could end up creating more parental conflict, which most experts agree is the most damaging part of a divorce for kids.”

“The willingness of both parents to cooperate is the key factor in how kids adjust to a divorce. Nickelson reminds parents that they should start creating a collaborative relationship with an ex-spouse early on. “You’re not going to sign the child-custody agreement, whatever it is, and be done with your wife or husband. I tell my clients, if you’re lucky, you’ll be sitting next to them for graduations and marriages and all kinds of achievements, so learn to get along.”"

From Matthew Fynes-Clinton’s article: Children Suffer When Law Splits Parenting Equally:

“My initial thought was, ‘They’ll realise (50-50 parenting orders) are a mistake in about 10 years time – and that they’ve screwed up a generation,”

“He says, ‘(My ex-wife) keeps saying to me our daughter can have one life in your household and another life in my household’. The child’s got this sort of split personality thing happening.”

“It’s about him and me. And it’s about control,” she says, concerned about the potential of such power plays to turn their daughter into a pawn.

She says the fundamental paradox with laws encouraging mutual parenting responsibility is the contrariness of the couples who seek judicial determination of their child custody wrestle.  “The legislation is written about parents who can do (equal time parenting),” she says, “and it’s applied to parents who can’t.”

McIntosh says substantial or equal-shared care can succeed where “self-selected” by mature, child-focused couples.  “But you need two sets of everything, co-operation, geographic proximity, family friendly work practices and people to be financially comfortable. On top of that, you need the emotional equipment for it.

Divorce is a time where many things change, and many issues must be addressed.  Divorce is also the time where many people must face the financial problems that have been ignored for years.  It is really important to check, understand, and protect your credit.  Check out Ask The Advisor’s article: How Will Divorce Affect My Credit? for some helpful information.

I have already posted about the man who wanted compensation for his kidney and the Second Life divorce, but check out Cezary Jan Strusiewicz’s article on Cracked.com for 10 strange, but true divorce stories.

As a divorce lawyer, one of the questions I frequently get is “How do I tell my spouse I want a divorce?”  My answer is always “It depends.”  I don’t know your spouse, I don’t know how he or she is likely to react.  But I do know 5 ways to tell your spouse that generally do not go over well:

1. Have your children tell your spouse the marriage is over.
2. Let your new boyfriend/girlfriend tell your spouse the divorce is pending and you are moving in with him/her.
   
3. End your relationship on Facebook.  Blog about your desire for a divorce.  Tweet about your new match.com profile.
   
4. Make the announcement at a family reunion or company picnic.
5. Say nothing, move out in the middle of the day, and have your spouse served with divorce papers that night.